Dead Frank

Many years ago, someone told me about this underground internet community that revolved around picking up women.  My mind instantly filled with images inspired by the seminal film, “Night at the Roxbury”.  I pictured awkward guys dressed in cheap velour who bobbed their heads to some unknown beat while repeatedly being shot down by every woman in the club.  My natural curiosity combined with a keen sense of shadenfreude demanded that I investigate.

Let’s be honest.  This internet community contained plenty of wannabe Casanovas obsessed with finding the ultimate pick up line.  However, many of the contributors proposed a more common sense approach: Live an interesting life, take care of your appearance, and be sincerely interested in other people.  The most popular authors were teaching a course in “How to be a Strong, Confident, and Genuine Man” for guys who didn’t have a strong male role model during their formative years or lacked the self-confidence to apply what they knew.

Shortly after I started reading, the message boards lit up with news that someone was writing a book about becoming a Pick Up Artist.  He was an insider.  He was someone who hung out with the best of the best.  People were frightened.  This underground community was about to exposed to daylight.

Emotions ran high.  Some people felt betrayed.  The most insecure community members who relied on the tips, tricks, and tactics to meet women were convinced that at soon as the book hit the shelves, every woman in the world would see right through their carefully crafted veneers.  The hucksters were outraged that their bad behavior might be exposed.  Perhaps most importantly, many people were terrified by the irrational fear of never being in the presence of a naked woman ever again.  The faithful few preached words of calm and said, “Remember, if you are not a pretentious douchebag or a nervous coward, people will like spending time with you.  You will get still laid.”

I picked up a copy of the book in the first week.  My curiosity grew even stronger to find out what it was like in the “early days”.  As an outsider, I never took part in any of the so-called Lair Meetings or went out to sarge at clubs.  My curiosity was piqued by the stories of someone who threw himself into the lion’s den.  The author, Neil Strauss (a.k.a. Style), wove fascinating tales of friendship and road trips, of seduction and betrayal.

To paraphrase the philosophy of the entire book in one paragraph, Neil proposed that the best way to “be successful with women” began with being successful in your own life.  Being successful doesn’t necessarily mean fame and fortune.  Those are outside indicators of interior qualities like vision and passion.  Knowing where you want to go in your life is highly attractive.  Money happens to often be a consequence of clear vision.  Talking passionately and proudly about your interests is attractive.  If you don’t have something you’re proud of, maybe it’s time to take up a new hobby.

Honestly, it’s the best advice you could get or give.  Go buy the book.  It’s a hell of a read.